- Bacon
- JFK
- Jennifer Lawrence’s hair
- Hurricanes and/or typhoons
- Pumpkin spice latte (PSL)
- Tofurkey and/or turducken
- Sriracha
- Ryan Gosling
- Cronuts
- Austin, TX (ATX)
- Somewhere in CO, go snowboarding and enjoy a fine standard of living
- Detroit
- Facial hair
- You shouldn’t wear your Uggs anymore
- But you can wear Crocs now and be cool
- Flannel and/or gingham, don’t be lame in single colors or those combination long-sleeve-short-sleeve shirts
- At that, sleeves rolled up just so, not too loose and not high enough to provoke anxiety on others
- Don’t be too enthusiastic, ever; others will either get annoyed or scared or permanently label you as something
- iPhones or whatever the hell the coolest Android phone is, pick a side
- Siphon-brewed coffee, ask for it!
- Not being in a relationship
- Pretending to like coffee
- Pretending to like running
- Eating healthy only when others are looking
- Subversive, self-referential lists like this one written to stroke the author’s ego rather than satisfy an audience
