Insomnia Log 4

Hey, just because it’s fun to lie down and look at trees outside my window doesn’t mean I should keep doing it. In fact, last night the sun hadn’t even fully set when I looked out my window and then stopped remembering things, and then I woke up when it rose again. Now I can’t fall asleep. I wish my circadian rhythm knew what a day was.

Do you know that feeling of enjoying communication with someone, and all of a sudden it stops? Where for seemingly no reason you can’t get a hold of a person anymore? Where you even start to doubt yourself for something you said or did? It’s a rotten feeling, like a feeling that something may actually be rotting in you, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. If you ever get like this, here’s my advice: drop it, forget you ever knew that person, and be around your friends. Breathe. Drink some water. You’ll be OK. Not everyone likes peaches.

I’m in my car. Sometimes I hang out in here while it’s parked. It’s really quiet in here. It’s even quieter than in my place, because my fridge is loud and always running (so don’t call me for pranks, OK? (The end of land lines has brought the end of prank calling, alas. I used to prank call, and I miss it. There were so many Buttses in my phone book.)), and there’s that loud dripping outside my bedroom window. There is no noise in here. It’s dark. I still can’t fall asleep. I have been able to sleep in my car before. Rest areas are very cheap motels.

Someone expressed surprise to me tonight when I said I still didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. “At your age?!” I want to be interesting enough that even at age 40 I still don’t know what I want to do. I was starting to express what I would ideally be, but then I got cut off, so I dropped it.

I think this song counts as a love song. What do you think? I could picture it played by a chamber orchestra for a wedding. I was really sad to hear about a friend who became separated recently, when the wedding had a cool nature and blue/green (my favorite colors) scheme, and there was a chamber orchestra. What a nice wedding. Damn shame when the wedding’s so nice and the marriage just isn’t. Then I saw a person in my friend B’s family get wedded by the state (straightforward), but apparently their marriage will be great. Can asexual people get married to themselves for tax benefits? I’m not asexual, but it would be so much easier to be that way. It would also be cool to reproduce by budding.

Hey, did anyone else celebrate Beltane? I gave a quiet “woohoo” at 2014-05-05T13:56-0:00. Between Beltane and Lughnasadh is going to be really nice. I’ll explain more after Lughnasadh.

Sleepless, soon in Seattle,
Art

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