5 Reasons You Should Start Your Posts With Numbers (AMAZING)

  1. People like lists, because they make things easier to glance at than actually read. You don’t need to worry about paragraphs or the flow of argument when it is already processed for you in bullets. Let’s all be baby birds that need Mama Internet to prechew what we consume.
  2. Reading these numbered posts makes you feel like you’ve done something or learned something, when really it’s just as much a diversion as animated gifs. The only way to really improve to is to do the work. There are no shortcuts. Stop clicking.
  3. Related, here are 10 Ways to Get Smarter, Be More Productive, and Do Everything with Zero Effort.
  4. Seriously though, the more I see these kinds of headlines the more I am going to do this kind of subversive post to criticize how insubstantial most of the buzzworthy Internet content is.
  5. Read a motherf**kin’ book.

You Won’t BELIEVE How Much These 11 Simple Things Will BLOW YOUR MIND

  1. Full beards (Aw, you can’t grow one? That’s OK, that’s why they made razors. Please don’t try to grow out your beard again if it isn’t a full beard. Really.)
  2. Not texting back
  3. Running in the street before sunrise everyday instead of after work maybe once a month
  4. Going to the gym because your body is not good enough and never will be but you’ll still take pictures of it everyday
  5. Drinking pre-workout powder drink even when you are not going to LIFT, but this is basically the same as doing speed
  6. Rolling up pants just so, but definitely not high water pants
  7. The fear of going out to cool places because you are so self-conscious about your clothes
  8. Hey, your shoes are definitely not as cool as that guy’s
  9. Hey, you are spending too much mental energy on clothing, why don’t you just read a book or something?
  10. Leaving negative reviews on Yelp gets you more compliments
  11. Backing out from what you said you would do because of your ideals

25 Things on a List You Don’t Want to Miss

  1. Bacon
  2. JFK
  3. Jennifer Lawrence’s hair
  4. Hurricanes and/or typhoons
  5. Pumpkin spice latte (PSL)
  6. Tofurkey and/or turducken
  7. Sriracha
  8. Ryan Gosling
  9. Cronuts
  10. Austin, TX (ATX)
  11. Somewhere in CO, go snowboarding and enjoy a fine standard of living
  12. Detroit
  13. Facial hair
  14. You shouldn’t wear your Uggs anymore
  15. But you can wear Crocs now and be cool
  16. Flannel and/or gingham, don’t be lame in single colors or those combination long-sleeve-short-sleeve shirts
  17. At that, sleeves rolled up just so, not too loose and not high enough to provoke anxiety on others
  18. Don’t be too enthusiastic, ever; others will either get annoyed or scared or permanently label you as something
  19. iPhones or whatever the hell the coolest Android phone is, pick a side
  20. Siphon-brewed coffee, ask for it!
  21. Not being in a relationship
  22. Pretending to like coffee
  23. Pretending to like running
  24. Eating healthy only when others are looking
  25. Subversive, self-referential lists like this one written to stroke the author’s ego rather than satisfy an audience

The Speed of the Internet and Timelessness

I think what’s popular on the Internet changes at a speed that’s much too fast for me. I feel like a dunce when I don’t understand my current roommate’s references. My hand spends a lot of time passing over my head to signal this ignorance.

I only learn about popular memes through popular adaptations of the original meme. It’s as if I were reading only academic journals, buffered from the source. There’s some critical threshold to how viral something has to be before I ever hear about it, and by the time it reaches it, it’s phasing out like last season’s clothes.

If I didn’t feel like “keeping up” with things was an active hobby, I might be better at it. My attention is mostly on myself, my feelings, and my interests. My attention sometimes goes to making letters or gifts for people I love. I can’t find the time to be up-to-date.

I think my hobbies of studying, writing, making, sauntering, and inquiry will outlast any culture trend. I’d rather focus on something I can pick up 40 years from now and still understand and appreciate. I really think that I don’t have to follow what’s timeless. The only thing I want to follow is the riverbank.


How can five cents help save a child’s life? Not by being in this envelope

How can five cents help save a child's life? Not by being in this envelope

The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society sent me a letter with a nickel adhered to it. The letter goes on to say that they included it to make a point about how nickels add up. I give them kudos for novelty, but not for practicality. Considering how many letters the society sends out, how many nickels are NOT adding up to blood cancer research?